There I was standing in a crowd of parents
waiting on our child’s name to be called. I
stood there as my mind shifted back to
hearing my name across the loudspeaker. I
was wearing a black dress with tiny white
daisies all over it. I stood and walked on
stage, collecting my diploma and thinking I
can’t wait till I’m grown up. Sitting back
down I visualized myself in a pantsuit my
hair in a sexy semi-messy ponytail and
holding a briefcase. I knew I was going to
be a leader in standing for the rights of
women everywhere. So I’m assuming I was
a lawyer or along the lines of someone in a
high political position.
Kaylyn Perez! I cheer, there she is my kind
and powerful little girl taking her walk
across the stage to collect her diploma and
I can’t help but wonder what she’s thinking
at that moment. Is she imagining what her
future looks like as I did when I walked at
my ceremony?
When the music started I dropped back
into my memories of elementary school
and junior high. I realized at this point that
for the first time in my life I wasn’t in tears
about what was going on at home at that
time in my life. I wasn’t dwelling on the
bullying and or sexual abuse I was
experiencing. I actually was remembering
how excited I was when I thought about all
the women I would be helping and the
books I would be writing. There was no
doubt in my mind that I would be
successful. I would make a difference.
How do we lose this spark? Is there a
certain part of our brains that hold these
powerful beliefs that switch off at a certain
part of puberty? OR are our child super
powers stripped away by the way media
celebrates tragedy and sexualizes every
product. Diet culture is slapping us left and
right screaming at us that we must satisfy
the eyes and opinions of every single
person that runs the modeling industry. Is
it when we visit colleges on field trips and
we become aware of the pressure of
choosing a major that will be the one thing
we get to do in our lives?
I mean as children we use our
imaginations and pretend to be anything
we choose at any moment without the
approval or applause of anyone. Is it
because at some point an authority figure
tells us its time to grow up and stop playing
around, to take life seriously…
Maybe it’s the traumatic events that take
place and disrupt the security even in our
own bodies. Is it really the chemical
imbalances that are the result of such
events. Heartache and abandonment that
some go through and we find ourselves
alone leaving us to feel like we did
something terrible and we aren’t worthy
any longer of enjoying our lives?
Then there’s the one question that we are asked over and over again.
” What do you want to be when you grow up?”
After having done major shadow work and
walking through my healing process for all
the shit I’ve experienced in life this
question still hits me and is hard to
swallow..
Instead of answering this then with, A
lawyer or doctor or teacher, I took this
opportunity being in the space of this
ceremony to re-ask myself this very
question… and stripped away the doubt
and fear and care about societies opinions.
I envisioned myself standing on the stage
and declaring into the mic ” I am kind,
courageous and bold. I am someone who
stands and speaks for those who don’t have
a voice. I am strong and soft and I cry. I am
empathetic and a leader. I am generous
and loving. I see people for who they truly
are and mirror their gifts back to them. I
believe in magic and miracles and
manifestation.
I believe we create our
reality and we can do anything. and this
is all I ever want to be when I grow up.
When I opened my eyes all but a few
minutes 3 or 4 at most had passed and my
daughter was with her class ready to be
presented as the culminating class of 2019.
I was in tears and when we finally got to be
side by side I took her hands and told her
how proud I was of her and how she was
going to be an amazing person her whole
life as she is now in this moment.
Rather than asking her what she wanted to
be when she grows up, I simply told her to
remember that she can do anything she
desires, all she needed to do was be herself,
who she is in every moment and she will
find herself doing her hearts work and
living a powerful life.
Take yourself back to a moment as a child,
open your heart to the power of
imagination and creation you once ran
with. what did that feel like? What parts of
that child are still in you? What parts
would you love to return to? What’s in the
way?
I invite you to take a look and allow
in what comes. There is magic there.I am
grateful to be a leader to others in how to
return to themselves. To discover who they
truly are. I am overjoyed to walk women
through some of the hardest experiences of
their lives that dimmed their light and
create the life they truly desire being
exactly who they authentically are.
If this resonates with you and or sparks a desire to go within I hope you do and know that I’m happy to support you.
Arose
Such a fantastic post it is so inspirational and empathetic. It truly describes a childhood that reasonates with most of us no matter what gender and ethnic background. Keep sharing what’s in your mind Ashley Rose, the world knows it needs more women like you…..👍
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